Not Your Mama's Mamas

That time again

2007-11-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

We scheduled Frog's 1 year vaccinations yesterday (1 month late).

I'm already cringing.

Please, do we REALLY have to do this AGAIN?!

Yes, yes we do.

*sigh*

Reflection

2007-11-02T03:22:00.000-07:00

With Frog having turned one year old last month, I've been thinking a lot about her birth. Trying to piece together parts that are foggy, covered. It's strange; I remember it all, but in the way that you remember a movie that you saw when you were 7. Big things stand out, small things have to be coaxed from the shadows.
Scary things have to be physically pulled from the back of the mind.
I was awake for almost two days. The first rest I got was after the epidural was given and we both slept. Memories of motions done, things said - all automatic but sincere. The feeling of being so tired and worn that your body and mind separate as an act of self-preservation.
I can't fall apart.
The sounds of Partner's cries, the voices of the nurses. The coldness of the room whose temperature wouldn't regulate. The soothing sound of water rushing into the birth pool. The beep of monitors, the glare of computer screens. Being there, but not. Seeing, but not. Experiencing.
One of the loviest memories I have during the labor was while Partner was in the birth pool. Pain seemed to turn into almost comfort. The water was warm, lapping against my hand as she swayed. Singing Patty Loveless songs together, the midwife rocking slowly in the chair in the corner - singing along with us.
The pushing stage.
The grip of Partner's hand, turning my own blue and tingly. The voice of the nurse and midwife reassuring us both that we were doing wonderful and our precious girl would be here soon.
The midwife, motioning to the slick brown hair barely visible and telling me softly:
Go ahead, touch her. That's your daughter.
That moment I touched her, before she left her Mother's body - probably the most surreal moment of the whole labor. Wet and soft like the catfish I used to catch with my Dad.
My daughter.
Of this world, and here - but not here yet. When I touched her crowning head....did I connect with her? Did she sense me?
That last groan, that last powerful push that brought our beautiful daughter into the world. She sounded like an animal, and I remember thinking to myself that it was amazing.
The look of my child's open, unblinking eyes. Her blue skin. Her chest not rising and falling. The worried glances exchanged around the room.
The sound of suction.
I can't fall apart.
But oh - the beautiful sound when she whimpered! She was here, and at that moment the whole experience was meshed into one big emotion. At that point, I wouldn't have been able to discern what had happened 3 minutes before and what had happened 32 hours ago.
Partner's pale white skin, the monitor warning of her dipping blood pressure. The sound of silence when I kissed her blue lips and whispered "I love you".....she didn't hear me.
The feel of the hard rocking chair as I sat beside her bed, watching her bleed and cursing every spirit I could conjure. Refusing to visit my daughter in the nursery because I was scared Partner wouldn't be there when I came back......
She hadn't heard me say "I love you".
The feeling of release when we were all together again. Awake, happy - like it was supposed to be.
I often wonder if I handled things like I should have. Was I there enough for them? I wasn't even in my right state of mind for most of the labor.....did I fail?
No, I didn't.
Like most people, I have 'what-ifs' and 'if-onlys', but I wouldn't change the entrance of our daughter into the world. It brought us together....I really do believe that chaos and perfection have similar binding properties.
With the birth of every child, the world begins again.

wave

2007-07-22T04:44:00.000-07:00

Frog will turn 10 months old on the 28th....

It's amazing that before I had a child, I let things slip by me. Days, weeks, months....it never ocurred to me how fast they dwindled away. Now, when my days and weeks and months are peppered with the milestones of a growing baby I realize how quickly time passes.

Isn't it funny how our children do little things - things we never notice until one day they don't do them anymore, and we go "When did you stop doing that?"

Frog is teaching us to slow down - to breathe. To play with plants more. To not get so upset so quickly. To love each other. To see the goodness in the world because some day we'll need to point it out to her.

I love my family. I never imagined that at 26 years old I would feel so complete. There was a time when I hated everything about myself, my life (Richard, I'm sure you remember). Those times are such a distant memory now, and for that I'm glad.

In other news -
I've applied for a higher paying position within my department and it's taking FOREVER for them to get back to me. Le sigh.

We've been travelling! Went to see my mom, sister, and sundry other family, Frog saw her first 4th of July parade, and we attended our first Arts and Crafts fair together.

I'm tired a lot these days, but it's a good tired.

:)

Fickle, Fickle!

2007-05-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

So.

I'm thinking of moving this here blog over to WordPress. Anyone have a blog at WordPress? Is it worth it?

Real update full of win coming in the near future!

Insert Witty Title Here

2007-04-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

Our daughter is OBSESSED with road signs.

Yep, road signs.

Almost every evening we take a jaunt around the neighborhood - it' s good for everyone, especially Frog who tends to be a little bit of a crankpot if not given her outside time routinely.

EVERY time she sees a stop sign, or a handicapped parking sign, or any sign for that matter - she squeals and laughs and smiles. It's hilarious, and of course it makes for very long walks because we always have to stand for a minute while she gazes at them in amazement.

Speaking of Frog....SIX MONTHS! We've managed to keep her alive and healthy for 1/2 a year! Things are going well, although sleep is a wee bit of a rough spot. Er, let me rephrase that - SLEEP in and of itself isn't a rough spot, but rather the fact that most of the time, she won't sleep without Partner beside her is a rough spot. But I won't bore you with all that.

I'm stuck at work right now. My desk faces a huge window which overlooks the farm on which my building is located. The sun is shining, birds are making their nests. I'm reminded that today is Earth Day - did you know? Well, hmmm - did you? Hopefully we'll take Frog to the park this evening so she can delight herself with people watching and grass touching (although grass kind of icks her out a little. She can't figure it out.)

It's kind of disheartening when you think about the state that our environment is in (and what it's in for). I look around and see beautiful land being destroyed for new Rite-Aids and banks. I look around and see trash on the roads, disposable EVERYTHING, animals that are being displaced for one more subdivision. It all makes me wonder if the little things that Partner and I practice on a daily basis to do our part is enough. Is it enough when our entire society is so focused on technology, on convinence, on instant gratification?

Of course it is. Every little thing that we do has an impact. We all have to start owning a little part of this world. Realizing that yes! - throwing that aluminum can in the recycle bin instead of the trash is something. If we all do little things, we'll accomplish great things.

And then I look at Frog - SHE is the reason to keep doing what we're doing. So that she'll get to see squirrels and rabbits and trees when she's older. So that her world will still be a beautiful place.

So go outside today, play with your kids or play with your dog. Or just go read a book outside. Recycle today, turn the water off when you brush your teeth tonight, use a dish rag instead of paper towel.

It is Earth Day, after all :)

Time goes by

2007-02-14T11:58:00.000-08:00

Long time no see!

The days are flying by and Frog is 4 1/2 months old already! I really can't believe it. She's teething, rolling over, and is cute 24/7. We've been having a few sleep issues, but we can deal. Just barely, though :)

I can't wait for summer to return....I'm so tired of cold and ice and snow. Blah.

Hope everyone and their families are having a wonderful day!

Found on Estelle's blog

2007-02-09T09:02:00.000-08:00

I'm posting this because if we are ever blessed with a son, he will NEVER know the horrors of circumcision.

I reject circumcision.

For girls. For boys. For women. For men. For every human alive, or who ever lived, or who ever will live.

I reject circumcision because I regret being circumcised. Because I regret having someone else circumcised. Because circumcision is regrettable.

I reject circumcision because my genitals were cut. Because my genitals were not cut. Because I own my genitals.

I reject circumcision because I did not consent to the cutting of my genitals. Because I could not consent to the cutting of my children. Because the doctor did it anyway. Because the old man did it anyway.

I reject circumcision because it did not fool me. Because it did not fool everyone. Not back then. Not now. Not ever.

I reject circumcision because it cannot prevent disease. Because it is a disease. Because it must be cured. Because it must end.

I reject circumcision for better sex. Alone. With another. For any and all sex. For joy.

I reject circumcision because I have suffered. Because others have suffered. For all who suffered. For all who suffered and died.

I reject circumcision because it is a violation of human rights. Of human dignity. Of genital integrity. Of integrity.

I reject circumcision on behalf of myself. On behalf of my children. For the children I love. For the children I'll never know. For the children who will never know to thank me.

I reject circumcision in the name of truth. In the name of medicine. In the name of science. In the name of humanity.

I reject circumcision in the name of beauty. Because it is a mutilation. Because it is an injury. Because it is unnatural. It is ugly.

I reject circumcision on behalf of those traumatized by it. For those who have been wounded by it. For those who did the wounding. For the wound.

I reject circumcision for my family. For Africans. For Jews. For Christians. For Muslims. For Americans. For Everyone.

I reject circumcision for Abraham. For Isaac. For Jacob. For baby Jesus. For the boy Muhammad. For the girl Ayaan.

I reject circumcision done for tradition. Done for the rite. Done for God. Done for power. Done for money. Done because they could. Done always for wrong.

I reject circumcision done for "my own good." For "your own good." For anyone's "own good." Done to fit in. Done for my mother-in-law. Done for no damn good.

I reject circumcision when I'm by myself. When I'm with others. When I'm holding a baby. When I'm making love.

I reject circumcision because I was involved. Because I got involved. Because someone needs to be involved. Because children are involved.

I reject circumcision because it is my right to do so. Because it is my moral duty to do so. Because I am responsible.

I reject circumcision because I should have known better. Because I know better now. Because I help others know better. Now.

I reject circumcision to redeem myself. To redeem others. To redeem a man-made plague of six millennia.

I reject circumcision by speaking up. By speaking out. By blogging and posting and emailing and writing and mailing. Again.

I reject circumcision and I prevented one circumcision. I can prevent ten circumcisions. Or 10 thousand. Or 10 million.

I reject circumcision and when I do, others follow. Because it has to be stopped. Because it will not stop until it is stopped. Because we will not stop. Or be stopped.

This is my Covenant with myself, with my children, and with children everywhere:

I reject circumcision in order to end it.

I am an Intactivist.

(Please copy, post, and distribute freely.)

BRRRR

2007-01-09T07:16:00.001-08:00

I just would like to point out that it's SNOWING OUTSIDE!!! *does happy snow dance* Of course, it will be a mere dusting, but it's pretty while the flakes are falling!

Froglet is getting bigger every day! Projects in progess: rolling over, sitting up, cutting some teeth, and getting use to her new Rainforest Jumperoo. I see BIG things in the future, folks.

M and I are doing great - we're enjoying each other's company in ways that would be boring to anyone but us; i.e. cathartic housecleaning, late night conversations, and home cooked dinners.

Updates about the xmas gathering to come...I'm still recovering. In the meantime:

'Ello!

2006-12-17T17:11:00.000-08:00

I know I've been pretty absent on here of late, mostly due to the fact that I can't think of anything witty to talk about; and honestly I feel a little guilty when I'm not witty....so sue me ;)

Life is good. Xmas is upon us and we're going to make a 3 hour trip to the grandparent's house for the festivities.

I doesn't feel like Winter here where we are. With abnormally high temperatures (like 70 degrees - I took the trash out earlier in my BARE FEET!) it's tricking my body into thinking that it's Spring, and making me think that I'll be seeing buds on the trees any day. Sneaky.

Winter Solstice is rapidly approaching also, which holds GIGANTIC significance for us. The Winter Solstice last year was when our Frog was concieved....wow.....A YEAR AGO. We're planning on having a little ritual to celebrate.

As I sit here in the dark, listening to the womb sounds bear gently lubdub-lubdubing my Froglet into dreamland (and probably Mama, too), I remind myself how lucky I am. I have a home - a healthy, beautiful baby girl - and a soulmate...not just a partner or a wife, but a soulmate. My girls have made my life complete, and I can only hope that they know how much of my heart is wrapped up in them.

Wave

2006-11-12T07:06:00.000-08:00

Long time no see; I've discovered that parenthood does that to a person!

Speaking of parenthood, it's great! Frog is a lovely baby. She has wonderful mornings full of smiles and giggles and happy evenings as long as she's not super tired. This kid fights sleep like you would not believe! She knows when 8 o'clock rolls around and is happy to settle into bed with us for a nice night of - *GASP* - SLEEP!

Don't get me wrong. She definately has her moments. Like last night when she started SHRIEKING uncontrollably after getting out of the shower. Even that only lasted about 20 minutes or so, though.

Some things that we've learned, that no one told us:

1) Breasfed baby poop does, indeed, stink.
2) That said bowel movements would become a major and exciting topic of discussion with EVERYONE around us, whether they want to hear about it or not.
3) That our bodies could actually become conditioned to extremely early bedtimes.
4) That having our little girl would draw our relationship even closer.
5) That watching her smile and coo would warm our hearts to undescribable degrees.

Yeah, I can dig this mommahood thing.....

I'M BACK!

2006-10-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry about being MIA for a while, you know how it is ;)

We're all doing great! Froglet has been having some intermittant blood in her stool, but is feeling great and it seems to be clearing up - unfortunately, Partner had to cut all dairy and soy out of her diet. What's a vegetarian to do?! Any of you other mama's out there have this happen?

Frog's favorites:

1)Boob. She's eatin' like a pro!
2)The shower. Just don't try to give that girl a bath!
3)Recently, her tongue....I can't wait until she finds her hands!

Frog's not-so-favorites:

1)The carseat. Oohhhh, how she loathes it - but it's slowly getting *a little* better.
2)Going to sleep. This is one ACTIVE baby.

All and all, she's a SUPER baby. Sleeping well through the night, all that jazz.

I love my little girl.

In other news:

Today is our anniversary! I love Partner more with every passing moment; she makes my world such a better place. It seems like just yesterday we were exchanging rings - but at the same time I feel like she's been in my life forever. I can't imagine a minute passing without her....

My angels

2006-10-06T01:14:00.000-07:00

I love this little girl so much....I'm beside myself!

She's a wonderful baby - relaxed and groovy. She has amazing head control already!

I didn't think it was possible to love Partner more; that is until I watched her give birth to our child. She's such a powerful inspiration to me - gorgeous and strong.

Birth story should be done and posted tommorrow.

Man, tell me this one-handed typing thing gets easier!

MIA

2006-10-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

Hey, all!

Dropping in with a quick note to tell you......

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!

Frog , born at 2:14 pm on September 28. 8 lbs 9 oz, 21 inches long with a head circumference of 13 1/2 inches :)

She's beautiful!

Breastfeeding is going great and things are going good. Mama is still recovering after a VERY hard 36 hour labor.

I'll post the birth story asap!

*beams*

Update

2006-09-24T04:19:00.000-07:00

Still no baby.

9 days postdate.

taps foot

2006-09-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

So.

6 days post date.

Hmmm.

Due Date? Pshaw.

2006-09-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

The big 4-0.

Yeah, sure we're anxious. Yeah, sure Partner is getting to the point where no type of yoga-inspired position is comfortable. Yeah, we're getting kind of antsy looking at the empty pack 'n' play.

But you know what? If one more person asks,

No baby YET?! How long IS her doctor going to let her go?!?

I'm going to sucker punch someone.

First of all, lets get one thing straight - we're not seeing a doctor. We're seeing a Midwife. Not every pregnant woman in America feels like an OB is the best choice for her or her baby.

Next of all, the estimated due date is TODAY. People have been asking us this for a week! Please, do not wish an undercooked baby on us. Please. Just because we have the benefit of knowing the *exact* moment of conception doesn't mean that Frog has read the book on when to show up. In fact, Frog can't read anything right now. You know why? BECAUSE HE/SHE IS TOO BUSY STILL COOKING.

Thirdly, the average first time pregnancy is 41.5 weeks.

Fourthly (is that even a word?) no one is *letting* Partner do anything. She's extremely healthy, the baby is extremely healthy. We've made a conscious decision to trust the baby and Mama's body to know what it's supposed to do.

Just because you, and your sister, and your cousin and her best friend's sister were all induced at 38 weeks doesn't mean that's the course for everyone. We're not weird, I *promise! I'm beginning to wonder if we should have even told people a date; maybe we should have just stuck with 'mid-late September'.

And to finish off my rant for the evening, I hate the word 'overdue' anyway. It makes our baby sound like a delinquent bill.

A Wee Little Update...

2006-09-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

39 weeks, 5 days.

Just back from the midwife:

70% effaced.
Somewhere between -1 and 0 station.
"Just a *nubbin'" (midwife's own words) dilated.

So we made another appointment for a week; looks like Frog is nice 'n' cozy in Mama!

Birth Project? Got It Covered. Well, sort of.

2006-09-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

In our childbirth class, we were encouraged to think of a 'birth project'; something to do during the early stages of labor to keep us from running to the birth center.

Some people bake birthday cakes. Others fill out their birth announcements. Some write those long-overdue 'Thank You' notes from the baby shower.

However, I was all about taking a turn toward the eccentric (IMAGINE THAT?!),and recommended Partner begin sectioning my hair for me to place my dreadlocks. That is, until I really thought about it.

What would happen:

We would sit down, she'd get my hair sectioned. I'd get 1/2 of my head backcombed, then....

WHAM! ACTIVE LABOR!

Then there I'd be at the hospital, half my hair standing straight up from my head (as baby dreads tend to do), a-la Sideshow Bob.

Yeahhhh....a birthday cake is sounding good.

ATTENTION!

2006-09-04T14:47:00.000-07:00

39 weeks.

Let the Raspberry Leaf Tea - drinking....COMMENCE!

COME ON, BABY!

The Family Bed

2006-08-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

One thing that M and I have discussed during this pregnancy is the idea of cosleeping. Do it, not do it? Advantages, disadvantages. So on and so forth; books of epic porportions have been written on this very subject.

At first I wasn't a big fan of the idea of cosleeping - I'll admit that. I really can't explain why, because I'm not SURE why. I think it was mostly not being informed. However, the more I continued to read about it and the benefits it provides, the more I warmed up to the idea.

Let me do a little run-down:

Benefits
*Increases family bonding
*Ease of breastfeeding
*Decreases chance of SIDS
*MORE SLEEP FOR NEW MAMAS!
*Less laundry
*I can simply turn over and poke The Frog when I'm wondering if it's breathing or not, instead of having to RUSH to another room and stand over a crib. *smile*

Disadvantages:

*None, for us.

Of course, there ARE disadvantages to cosleeping for some people - read the aforementioned epics to find them. For us though, it seems like a pretty groovy idea.

And anyway, we're used to the family bed! :

And one more - a close up of the cutest dog you will probably ever see:

Meanderings

2006-08-21T09:57:00.001-07:00

Just back from our 36 1/2 week check up with the midwife!

The report:

Bloodpressure A-OK.
No protein in urine.
NEGATIVE STREP-B!!!!! *YESSSS*
Frog's heartrate 150-160, just like always.

Partner also got checked today for the first time, since Joanna will be out of town for the upcoming week. Everything was tight as a drum - doesn't look like kiddo will be going anywhere anytime soon, which we're EXTREMELY thankful for!

We also printed out a picture of the birth pool (with dimensions!) for Joanna to take to the nurses at the hospital. Apparantly they're having minor seizures over the fact that we're planning on having a waterbirth (the FIRST waterbirth at our bith center, might I add). We thought if we showed them that the pool wasn't anything terrifyingly large or scary that it might help. Joanna told us the pool isn't too big for the labor rooms, so the only thing we have left to do is to run down to the birthing center later today to make sure our hose adapter fits on the faucets.

*EEP*

GO, BABY, GO!

And just because we all need a little direction.....

2006-08-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

Randomness

2006-08-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

Not a peep outta me for a while, huh?

Things on this end are going VERY well. Not much complaining to do, other than the small 'heat wave' we had a couple weeks back (around 104 heat index). Not having an air conditioner can really make such temperatures unbearable. We made it through though, no blood shed and no one melted. Good times.

Partner did however have a little 'episode'. We went to bed one night, then the next morning her hands and feet had suddenly swollen up like the Stay Puff Marshmellow Man. We went to the Midwife who told us that everything was A-OK; bloodpressure good (100/50 - REALLY good), baby active, no protein in her urine. That trip brought us peace of mind and it brought Meags 48 hours of bedrest. Which, by the way, totally cleared up the evil edema problem.

I got approved for my 14 days of leave after the baby is born *yes* . Annnnnd, guess who's workplace is looking into domestic partner benefits? Yep, that'd be mine. I'm quite enthralled with the idea. I'll keep you posted.

I'll leave you with a tidbit of trivia I heard on NPR the other morning - did you know that if you go buy fast-food french fries, only TWO CENTS of that purchase (regardless of size) will go toward a potato farmer. Horrible. The moral of this story is this:

If you have a hankerin' for french fries, drive down to your local co-op and buy some locally grown potatos. Cut them up and bake them; they're better for you that way and you'll be supporting a farmer...it's a win/win situation.

Innocent Victim

2006-08-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

It's almost 10 pm.

Partner is asleep. The dogs are asleep. Me, not so lucky.

I sit before you; a victim of a Mint Mocha MooLatte, half of which was ingested around 8 pm. The other half is banned to my freezer.

I've cleaned all the animals.
I've medicated the Dachshund's abcessed spay incision (which, I may add, looks MUCH better).
I've picked up the house.

AND I'M STILL WIRED.

I knew better. My body doesn't do coffee or coffee drink - caffeine well. Soda caffeine I can tolerate.

I need to cut this nasty crap out for good.

My insomnia tonight is just practice, right?

That's what I'm telling myself, anyway...

Time moves on, as time will....

2006-07-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

The past several weeks have been such an internal whirlwind. The outsider would say,

Well, that's not a lot going on in life. You just wait.

To which I'd retort -

I know it's not. But inside my head, you see.....

I guess what I'm saying is that I have so much going on internally right now, in a good way; so much to get ready for, so much to think about, so much to anticipate.

I feel blissfully overwhelmed and undeniably happy. Life is good.

We've started our childbirth classes and we've been very pleased so far; they're focused on natural childbirth with the usage of Birthing From Within techniques.

The instructor is an ICEA certified Doula (non-practicing) and a midwifery student. She's very knowledgable, personable, and groovy. The room where the classes are held is so warm and inviting; a bellycast and beautiful mirrors hanging on the wall, diffuse lighting, blankets to sit on and a lunar calendar on the back of the bathroom door. The full moon in September is the 7th; 8 days from Frog's EDD - hmmmm.

Partner is doing lovely...we're almost 34 weeks now and so anxious to hold our baby.

But in due time.